


Cruel Subconscious

by OpalTheFluffmaker



Category: Heavy Rain
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Hostage Situations, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-14 19:01:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15395340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OpalTheFluffmaker/pseuds/OpalTheFluffmaker
Summary: The origami trials didn't just leave physical scars on Ethan. Fortunately, he has Norman to help him through it all.





	Cruel Subconscious

**Author's Note:**

> An angstier piece that I have mixed feelings about ;o_o;  
> I don't know why nearly all my fanfics are about sleep ._. I guess I just find those kinda stories comforting? I also wasn't sure how this one should be rated...  
> I hope you like it ;u;

_“Oh, Ethan…you didn’t know? There’s one last test for you if you want to save Shaun.”_

_Ethan looked over at the disguised man in front of him, eyes immediately widening in despair and tearing up when he fully realized the situation._

_Between him and the murderer were Shaun and Norman sat down on the floor, both of them with their arms trapped against their sides by rope tied tightly around them. Norman frantically struggled in vain to break free from his restrictions, occasionally glancing around the room as if searching for something within their surroundings that could get them out of their current predicament. Shaun, meanwhile, only sat there scared, tears welling up in his brown eyes as he looked back and forth between Ethan and Norman, as if he was silently asking them what to do._

_Ethan had gone through plenty of peril to locate Shaun and rescue him from the danger he was in. And even later on after the situation, it was quite obvious that he had went to hell and back—the scars, the burns, the missing section of his pinky finger—even to the point where he gulped down the substance that he was told would end his life right after he saved his son. But truth be told, he wouldn’t have been able to come so far without Norman’s assistance. After the profiler helped him escape the precinct, he realized that there was someone he could trust after all—something he desperately needed to know after discovering what Madison had been doing without his knowledge or consent—and when he saved him again at the warehouse, just when he was about to receive a bullet to the back, that fact had been made all the more apparent._

_He couldn’t have let the FBI agent leave town without thanking him for his work. And that meeting to give thanks turned into an exchange in phone numbers, which turned into Shaun begging him to invite Norman over for dinner, which somehow turned into the architect taking Norman out on their first date while Shaun was away for the weekend. All of that somehow led up to Norman deciding to stay in town and Ethan asking him to move in, and since then things had taken a strong turn for the better for all three of them._

_So why were they here at the old warehouse again? Why were his loved ones tied up in front of him? Why was the Origami Killer—Scott-fucking-Shelby—alive now, even though he was last seen falling from the conveyer belt and into the grinder?_

_“Just tell me who you want alive,” the voice that brought nothing but absolute dread told him. “I’ll spare your son, or your partner. The choice is yours.”_

_Ethan felt his body begin to tremble when a complicated mixture of emotions started rising within him. Alongside it was a list of questions his mind conjured up. When was this going to end? Wasn’t the poison supposed to be the final trial? Had he not already given everything he could to prove his dedication as a father? Or was there something more the killer wanted out of this?_

_“…you’re…” the architect stammered out, unable to hold back the tears dripping from his eyes now. “…you’re…h-horrible…evil. I-I…I—I-I can’t make this choice…”_

_The killer said nothing in response. He only stood behind the two hostages, holding up the handgun he had in his hand so that it was clearly in Ethan’s field of vision. He made no move to use it yet, though Ethan knew he was waiting to, and would pull the trigger as soon as an answer came out of his mouth._

_But Ethan had no answer. He really could not make this choice._

_“Ethan…”_

_The sound of Norman’s voice nearly startled him, which was quite the opposite of the effect it had on him in a normal situation. A voice that once brought comfort and soothed him when his fear and anxiety would keep him awake at night now led his mind to think up an entire new stack of concerns._

_“Save Shaun…an’ forget about me.”_

_Those words only made Ethan’s already crumbling world break down even faster. What was he supposed to say to that? And how was he supposed to live with whichever choice he made?_

_“Shaun, Norman…” he tried to begin. “P-Please…neither of you sh-should worry a-about how this’ll turn out. I-I’ll find a way to save you both, I-…”_

_“But what if you can’t, Dad?” Shaun asked, his already weakened voice growing shakier as he spoke._

_“I will, Shaun…I-I promise, I’ll—“_

_“But what if you can’t?” Shaun repeated._

_The emotional mixture grew more intense within Ethan, and he looked back over at the killer again, glowering into his eyes to the best of his ability. “What are you getting out of this?” he growled. “Didn’t I give everything I could, just like you asked?! I risked my life SEVERAL times so I could satisfy your sick urges and get Shaun away from you, and now you want to…to..."_

_"Please, Ethan. Listen to me." Ethan looked back at Norman, who was looking directly at him now with an increasingly desperate expression written on his features. "I know that this choice is awful, but you hafta save Shaun, even if it means letting me go."_

_No proper response came to Ethan's mind. What could he have said to something like that? To the agent trying to convince him to let him die?_

_"It'll be bettuh this way," Norman continued, giving a smile that was blatantly faked, in an obvious attempt to calm him. "All ah've been doing is holding you back ehneway. You an' Shaun'll be bettuh off without my problems weighing you down on top of ehvrethin' else."_

_"Norman...I-I...I-I ca-an't..."_

_"Shaun deserves to go on more than me." There was a look of unyielding determination in Norman's eyes. "He's got his whole life ahead a'him, Ethan. My life had been an empty thirty-four years, an' it woulda continued that way if you hadn't contacted me again. To die for you an' Shaun would be the best way to go I could hope for."_

_"I can't just let you die-!!" Ethan exclaimed. The volume in his voice rose against his wishes, as he had desired to keep his loved ones from stressing out as much as he was, but he was unable to help that anymore._

_"What othah choice do we have?" Norman asked, and Ethan noticed that the younger man's eyes were growing tearier as well. "Ethan...there's no bettuh solution I can think of. I doubt there's ehny othah solution even available. Just..." He sniffed softly in mid-sentence, then ducked his head down, hiding his face the best he could. "...just...r-remember that I love you, Ethan. Ah'm doing this because I love you...both of you."_

_"Don't leave us alone, Norman," Shaun started to cry, now struggling to escape his own ropes--but if Norman couldn't do it, this would be impossible._

_The profiler turned to look at Shaun with the most apologetic expression Ethan had ever seen on anyone. "Ah'm sorry, Shaun...ah'm so sorry...but it's the only answer ah've got. An’ you should also know that none of this was evuh your fault, okay? You didn’t ask for ehny of this to happen.”_

_Norman then turned his head to glower up at the killer through his tears, who in response gaive him a look as if to warn him not to push him too far._

_Ethan was silent as he thought things over in his head. It pained him to hear his lover saying that he was holding them back with his troubles, on top of everything else. Even with everything Norman had said, he couldn't bear having to choose..._

_His son, or his lover? There was no right answer to this._

_And then he finally spoke up again._

_"I don't..." Ethan choked out, the lump in his throat proving speech to be difficult. "...I-I don't know why you're doing this...what we've done to drive you to torture us like this..." He looked downward as his tears fell to the ground, unwilling to look at the murderer in front of him. "...but please...please, d-don't take them..."_

_The disguised menace raised an eyebrow curiously at Ethan's words. Shaun and Norman glanced at each other, then stared at Ethan, exchanging a look of confusion and fear._

_"They're both the m-most important people...i-i-in my life," Ethan went on, forcing himself to show courage. "I-I couldn't live without e-either of them...especially if something happened to them because of me..."_

_He stepped forward, holding his hands up as if to prove himself defenseless. The killer narrowed his eyes, but the father refused to back down._

_"Ethan, what are you doing?" Norman asked. Anyone who heard him could tell just how nervous he was now, as he was no longer hiding it. Maybe he no longer could._

_"If you really have to take someone's life," Ethan begged, "take mine instead. Take my life...a-and let them both go back home."_

_Silence took over once more between the four of them for a moment. Then the killer let out a dark chuckle._

_"Didn't think you had it in you to make the ultimate sacrifice," he responded, beginning to walk past Shaun and Norman and over to Ethan. "You really are something, Ethan."_

_"Ethan, NO-!!" Norman yelled, now squirming in his ropes harder than he had before. "Get away from him NOW!"_

_Completely ignoring Norman, the killer pressed the barrel of the handgun up against Ethan's forehead. "But that's a good answer. The best."_

_Ethan shut his eyes tightly, bracing himself for his fate. Even through the sounds of Norman crying out for him, he heard the click of the gun, and he knew that his life would be over soon._

_But that was okay. If it meant that his family could live, it was okay. He knew that Norman would take good care of Shaun._

_"Consider it done."_

_The noise of a loud gunshot flooded his ears, but he could still hear Norman and Shaun screaming out for him just before everything faded._

\---------

Ethan woke up with a shout, forcing himself upward on his bed. He felt sweat pouring over his forehead, and his heart pounding inside of his chest as he took several deep breaths in an attempt to get his bearings. Despite his efforts, it seemed nearly impossible to get a grip.

He quickly glanced around at his surroundings, seeking reassurance. He was home, in his bedroom. It was warm, dark and quiet, an atmosphere that under any other circumstances would have made him feel at peace. The only sound he heard aside from his own heavy breathing was the soft breathing of someone next to him.

He looked over to the left side of himself to find Norman lying there. He was facing away from him, but the rise and fall of his shoulders was enough to convince him that he was alive and well.

Ethan knew it was a bad dream. He knew that he should have felt relief, that he should have tried to calm himself down and keep his panic to himself, so as not to disturb his partner if he hadn't already, but that dream was just so terrifying, and it all felt so real to him...

He started weeping where he sat, hiding his face in his hands, body trembling violently with each sob.

"Ethan..?"

Ethan looked up from his hands towards the source of the voice, and saw Norman pulling himself upward into a sitting position, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes with his free hand. He directed his gaze right at him, an expression of deep concern in his emerald green eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asked him, voice as gentle as ever. "What happened?"

"...Nuh...N-Norm..." It was incredibly difficult for Ethan to form a coherent sentence, with his voice caught up in his sobs and his mind scattered all over the place.

"It's okay, Ethan." The profiler placed his hands upon Ethan's shoulders, stroking them a bit to try and soothe him. "Ehvrethin's fine. You're okay. Ah'm right here..."

Ethan pulled him into his arms and clung onto him tightly, as if he would fade out of existence if he ever let go. Pressing his head into his grey-clad shoulder, he sobbed harder, finally able to let his guard down now that his lover was awake and offering him comfort. Norman held him close as he cried, one of his hands tenderly rubbing in circles on his back. He didn't say anything but he let him cry, allowing him to let out the strong emotions he desperately needed to release.

"What brought this on, Ethan?" he asked him, a moment after the sobs had grown quieter. "Did somethin' happen earlier?"

"A--A nightmare," Ethan managed. "I-It was all just a nightmare..." He looked Norman in the eyes, giving a slightly desperate look. "Y-You're alive...a-a-and Shaun's a-alive, right...?!"

"Of course he is," Norman responded. "He's sleeping in his room. He's safe. We're all safe." His hands moved up to cup his face, keeping his eyes on him. "Now, slow down. Tell me ehvrethin' you remember."

Though he could summon the memory with ease, Ethan couldn't bare to replay in his mind what had happened. The sight of the killer threatening to murder either his son or his partner, the tone in Norman's voice when he asked him to choose Shaun over him, the gunshot that ended the dream...

"...I...I-I..." Ethan stammered, closing his eyes and allowing more tears to fall in the process. "...I don't know if I can..."

"I won't force you if you can't talk about it," Norman said, one of his hands reaching behind his head to stroke his hair. "But ah'll always be here to help you if you can, okay?"

"I'm so sorry, Norman," the architect murmured, relaxing his grip on Norman as he was finally starting to grow calmer. "I-I've been so f-fucked up ever since..."

"Hey." Norman leaned in closer to rest his forehead on Ethan's. "There's no need to apologize. You nevuh asked for ehny of this, nor have you evuh deserved it. Even if you can't talk about it, I can still do what ah'm able to help you forget about it."

_"Save Shaun...an' forget about me..."_

The words from the dream briefly played themselves over again in Ethan's head, and he felt a twinge of fear inside of him, disturbing his newfound--albeit subpar--composure.

"Now how about we go downstairs for a bit?" Norman suggested, pulling away from Ethan to move off the bed. "Ah'll get a glass of warm milk for you, an' then--"

Ethan grabbed him by arm and interrupted him. "I had to choose between you and Shaun's lives."

Norman looked back over at him with an inquisitive look. "In the dream, you mean?" he asked softly.

Ethan nodded. "W-We were back at the warehouse, and the Origami Killer kidnapped y-you and Shaun...he had you both tied up in front of me, a-and he tried to force me to choose which one of you would live..."

"Oh, Ethan..." Norman's voice took on a tone of great sympathy as he took Ethan's shaking hand into both of his own.

"You told me to let Shaun live," Ethan continued, "a-and let him shoot you. T-Told me it would be b-better that way a-and we'd be better off without you...b-but I couldn't just let that happen to you. To either of you. So I told him to kill me instead."

Norman didn't respond right away, and Ethan felt a bit worried, wondering if his partner thought any less of him now, thought he had gone mad, thought it wasn't worth it having to put up with someone this sick in the head, but he was suddenly brought into the warm embrace of the younger man, who held him tightly once more.

“That sounds like a horrible nightmare, Ethan,” he whispered into his ear. “You’ve been through so much shit…the nightmares were to be expected, but to see you suffer so much, even aftuh the incident…”

“I-I’m sorry,” Ethan choked out, finding difficulty with talking again. “I know I’ve got to be a mess. I n-never wanted to bother you wi-ith any of it…”

“You’re not botherin’ me,” Norman whispered. “An’ ah’m glad you’re telling me this. Ah’m glad you feel comfortable enough to talk about it with me. That you…trust me with this.”

“Of _course_ I trust you…I think…I-I—I think you a-and Shaun might be the only two people left tha-at I can put my full trust in.”

“What I hate is the fact that you’re hurt. That you _both_ got hurt drastically during this case. An’ the officahs around here didn’t make things ehny bettuh…this coulda been avoided if they had—“

“No…I know what it really is…”

Norman blinked and narrowed his eyes a bit in confusion. “All right…how _could_ it have been avoided, d’you think?”

“Sh-Shaun—Shaun would never have been put into a-any danger if I didn’t let my guard down,” Ethan sobbed, practically melting in Norman’s arms as the shivers of his body grew more violent. “I-If I just took him straight to the car and went home, w-we could’ve avoided—“

“Do you really think you had ehny control ovuh that?” the profiler asked, raising an eyebrow in skepticism. “You shouldn’t hafta feel paranoid that somethin’ terrible’s gonna happen whenevuh you go out in public. An’ you can’t predict when your blackouts happen, can you?”

“…I…guess that’s true…but…”

“What’s really at fault here is the incompetent police force in this town,” Norman continued, shutting his eyes as his brow furrowed in frustration. “If they’d been more careful about collecting evidence, or been less dismissive about the children’s disappearances, even aftuh the recent news about the murders, maybe it wouldn't have taken eight lives to get them to give a damn. If they even did aftuh that…”

“…you know, I just realized something…” Ethan looked back upward to meet Norman’s eyes, doing his best to regain his composure. “The murders were happening over the course of two to three years, right?”

“Right…”

“The police couldn’t find anything in that time. And yet you basically found the killer’s identity in, what, two or three days?”

Norman gave a small smile at those words. “I guess it’s saying somethin’ about the police around here when _I_ managed to find the killuh in that time, huh.”

“I'm trying to say that you're right about them. And you're so much better." Ethan cupped Norman's face tenderly and leaned in closer, looking deeper into his eyes. "You probably could've solved the case even faster if that lieutenant wasn't holding you back and I didn't end up getting in your way."

He could feel his lover's cheeks warm up immensely under his touch and he couldn't help but grin, despite his tears--he loved getting him flustered by his showers of compliments. "W-Well, to be fair, I was able to work with ARI…a-and you weren’t in my way…"

"You always give yourself too little credit. I want to change that." One of Ethan's thumbs stroked over the warmth of Norman's face. "You also had a clear sense of direction--it seemed you knew exactly where to look. You were thorough with your investigation and left no detail alone. And you knew exactly how to piece everything together."

Norman ducked his head slightly, and Ethan could tell that he was embarrassing him all the more. "Ethannn..."

That reaction was exactly what Ethan wanted. Little did Norman know that he had an ulterior motive in this, something he was getting at with the consistent flow of praise.

"But there's one more thing above everything else," the architect continued. "You never gave up. You could've easily decided that there was no hope in finding the killer, but you never let anything you were put through faze you. And...a-and if it wasn't for that..." To his dismay, his voice began to tremble again, but he still tried to sound as calm as he could, despite his efforts failing. "...i-i-if you just ga-ave up, Sh-Shaun and I would probably be dead right now...a-and...I-I don't e-even want to think about wh-what would've happened to you...when you told me you were trapped in that car, about to be crushed..."

"...Ethan..." He could tell by the tone in Norman's voice that he was starting to catch on to his point. He didn't care if he figured it out, as long as he understood and believed him. With that thought in mind he threw his arms around his lover and hid his face in his sleeve.

"So don't think that you're not worth saving, o-okay? D-Don't think f-for a second that...that you're only holding us back..." Ethan began to cry again as the memory flashed in his mind once more. "Because I'd sooner give myself up before letting either of you die..."

He immediately felt the reciprocation of his embrace, the wonderful sensation of the younger man's hands pulling him closer and rubbing up and down his back.

“Ah’m not gonna let you do that, Ethan,” Norman told him, softly and yet firmly. “Ah’ll make sure that the thought nevuh has to cross your mind again.”

“I love you, Norman,” Ethan sobbed into his lover’s shirt. “Y-You and Shaun both. So, so much, an amount I’d never be able to properly describe. I’d lose myself if anything ever happened to either of you.”

“Nothing is going to happen,” Norman whispered, his gentle warm breath right against his ear. “I promise you, nothing will happen to you or Shaun on my watch.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if this is kinda out of nowhere, but I just want to say that I'm happy that Ethan/Norman is getting more attention these days! So many great stories here to read >u< I hope my stories are good too! ^_^


End file.
